How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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