My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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