One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
