I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Farmville is her only friend.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
