wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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