Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
