Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize