I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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