Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
