Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
