Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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