4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
