i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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