If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
