There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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