My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
