do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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