halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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