dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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