I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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