So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
