Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
