I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
