Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As shirtless as possible
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
