just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
