I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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