my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
