Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
