Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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