Duck Duck Cougar?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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