Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have fence marks all over my body
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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