ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
