She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
