the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize