My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
