dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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