Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
