my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
