I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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