Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
