i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His hands were made for my vagina.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
