Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
