when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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