Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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