Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
