Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
