Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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