i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
