Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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