I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
