Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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