haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
