I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize