That's intense
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
