Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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