i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
