we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
