Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
