I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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