I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize