i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
