I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im six kinds of drunk right now
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
