I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
