By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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