We got so high we made milksteak
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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