There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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