Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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