My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
