apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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