she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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