It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
