Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
