I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
