she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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