I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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