I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize